The 5 Stages Of Boredom & How To Spot Them
As we enter almost 2 months of lockdown, boredom really has set in for the majority of the population. To try and stimulate at least some brain activity, we have reverted to buying strange things on Amazon, running for the first time in decades and some of us have even started actively making time for distant family normally seen at Christmas. Hopefully I can try and stimulate your brain as well with some science…
Did you know that there are actually different types of boredom? And that these different types actually have names and a description as to what you should be feeling? Well now you do, and to help you understand what stage of boredom you are actually in, We have changed them somewhat to better match the current situation.
Stage 1: Netflix Boredom
This one is aptly names “Netflix boredom” because that Is exactly what you end up doing during it. A common feature of this stage is watching the Netflix show “Tiger King” something my girlfriend succumbed to a few weeks ago (yes I do have a girlfriend), and then telling everyone about it. However, this stage is not limited to: serial killer documentaries, the many Netflix originals now on the platform and seemingly anything with Madeline Brewer in (it is a lot). Even if you find yourself deviating from your usual watching patterns, this could be a chance that you have entered the Netflix Boredom stage.
When it comes to severity, then this stage is really nothing to worry about. In fact, you should really be congratulating yourself for still being in the stage almost 2 months after lockdown started. If you have been in this stage for a while, then be warned because you will likely develop symptoms of stage 2 very soon.
Stage 2: Trips to the refrigerator
This is named the way it is because this is exactly what you will be doing. The trips to the fridge stage is characterized by the patient in question making frequent, pointless trips to the fridge. These trips will happen regardless of what you are doing, in fact it has been observed in conjunction with common symptoms from the Netflix boredom stage; so be aware that the two can exist at the same time.
Often times these trips will not occur due to hunger or any kind of forethought for the meal you may or may not eat (Lord knows there is not much of that). These trips will occur for much the same reason as tigers will pace in their cages.
You may find that your general feeling is one of slight negativity- slightly uncomfortable but not to the extent that you will actively seek out new hobbies. This is, again, nothing to be too concerned about it and is fairly normal, especially for someone after 2 months of lockdown.
Stage 3. Thank God I Got Laid Off
This is named the way it is because of the damage that you will do to your bank account. This phase has one main symptom… Spending money on pointless things and then spending the rest of your time waiting for them to come. Amazon is going to be the likely suspect on this one, however, online food delivery (if you can find a slot that is) is also applicable in this situation.
The reason for such brash expenditure is your attempt to fund a new or an old hobby. A hobby that may well have been quashed by lockdown rules. Many of these purchases will have no effect whatsoever and will be, by and large, a waste of money. However, in very rare cases you may actually find something that does help you. But, I can guarantee that almost all the hobbies that you take up now will be gone and forgotten come the lifting of lockdown.
Again, this is normal given the circumstances and I have even found myself doing this as well. As long as the purchases are not too expensive then there is really no issue with this. However, if the purchases are expensive then you may need to start selling body parts
Stage 4. The Day Dreamers
Now we are getting into slightly more serious territory. This is the second to last stage of boredom and one that may see an escalation of the symptoms of the previous few stages.
In the “day dreamers stage” you will really miss those hobbies that were taken from you by quarantine. In fact, you miss them so much you will do anything to get them. This may mean spending ridiculous amounts of money on this hobby in the hope that it brings you some kind of joy (it won’t). It may also take the form of you reminiscing to your loved ones about the good old days and how much you wish you could still take part in your beloved hobby.
This is fairly normal, however, one should note that if symptoms such as reminiscing continue for too long, then you may find that those who you live with start to plot your demise. Please check your food for signs of Arsenic. At this stage you will start to become a righ pain in the ass!
Stage 5: Paralytic Boredom
This is the final and most serious of the 5 types of boredom. Paralytic boredom has the most serious of symptoms and is something that should be avoided at all costs. Paralytic boredom is being so bored that you literally cannot move.
As mentioned above paralytic boredom is being so bored that you cannot drag your sorry ass of the couch. Not even spending stupid amounts of money can save you now, no Netflix trash can lift you from your slumber and no tempting morsel that may be residing in the fridge can move you. Instead you are stuck, paralysed almost in the same position all day every day. It is with regret and shame that some of your own family members may have now entered this phase.
You may also see symptoms such as the inability to communicate other than grunting, along with a complete disregard for any fashion sense. Yes, in the mountain of laundry that has built up you have resorted to wearing your old shell suits and Bermuda shorts. If you find that you are at this then you are officially a right pain in the ass and you should self isolate with everyone in your household until you’re able to ‘man up’!
Being bored out of your mind is now a part of everyday life and it is something we all need to accept. But, using this handy guide you can at least identify which stage you are in and how bad you are. Just remember, there is always someone worse than you