The Cure for Coronavirus Boredom

Build some sofa-fortifications.

When the coronavirus zombies or “super spreaders” come knocking you’re going to need somewhere to hide and I have just the place. Why not build a cracking sofa fort out of that sofa you are still paying monthly payments towards thanks to persuasive advertisement and the endless DFS sale. All you need to do is the following. Dismantle your sofa right down till the bare-bones of the thing. Then take the larger parts and form a triangle or square if your particularly mathematically gifted. Hold these down using the smaller cushions and only blankets that may be lying around. Finally, a few fairy lights and some nice comfy pillows will give your fort a comfy get structurally integral feel to it, but be careful because if you dare move that load-bearing blanket you’ll be sorry. 

So, now that your fort looks something like this, you will be ready to repel those pesky, coughing coronavirus victims and face mask salesmen (they really are a mouthful).

Learn to bake.

Maybe as essential supplies start to run out and Tesco begins to panic, you should make your last meal a good one. Why not learn to bake? Having baked a few cakes in my time I know the stress relieving, therapeutic nature of baking and the huge amount of good it can do for you and what little family you have left. Because not only are you now stress free and relaxed but also, depending on how good you are at baking, you may have a wonderful cake to eat in about an hours time. So what are you waiting for? Get down to Tesco panic buy some flour, eggs and baking soda and get busy in the kitchen.

Find a good book.

Being a man who loves to write you won’t be surprised that I love to read as well- I will read anything from fiction to non-fiction to magazines and with loo paper disappearing by the second it’s important to read those books you set aside months ago now before it’s too late. It does not matter what genre it is or what your personal interests are just grab a book off the shelf and read it, you may love it, you may not. But the point is that you are developing your interests and learning new things about the apocalyptic world we (apparently) now live in. 

Write a book.

Keeping with the literary theme, a very good option for people stuck at home is to write your own book. Now, much like the last option the genre you write in really does not matter and nor does the level of skill (as I am proving as I write), all that really matters is that you express yourself on paper in a way that best suits you. Length doesn’t really matter either as Penguin (the only animal left at the end of this year) classics can be long or short. You might even want to branch out into poetry or song writing- just find your flow and you will be fine… Promise. 

Watch your favourite movies (for the last time)

Despite what the slightly morbid title may suggest watching a movie, especially if it is your favourite (or The Favourite) can help to relieve stress and assist you in happy living. Also, if you are feeling a little depressed because of the sadness in the world, escaping it all with a movie might just be the thing you are looking for. You could go for any mood- happy sad, joyous, despairing all it takes is a few clicks or few taps of the remote. So whack on Netflix or slap on an old fashioned DVD and watch to your hearts content all the films you could ever want (probably not Outbreak).

Clean up your home.

In the spirit of cleaning your hands why not scale it up and clean your house. I have no doubt that a clean home not only equals a happy homemaker but also less chance of infection. So rally the mops, arm your buckets and have your detergent to hand because your house is gonna need a-cleanin. But what if your one of the 0.00001% of teenagers who are infected and cleaning the house isn’t really your cup of tea? Well why not scale the scale up back down again and just do your room? Because a cluttered room equals a cluttered mind.

Take up gardening

As food runs out around the globe and Tesco goes out of business you’re going to wish you did this. All you need is the following: a trowel, some seeds of various varieties, some water and some sun light- this is all that is needed to turn yourself into the most popular person in your post-apocalyptic community. You could sell them to others- pitching up outside your house or going door to door. But, even if the apocalypse does not happen and all my foreboding is misplaced, you still have some lovely, sweet and succulent vegetables and/or fruit to chow down on while society rebuilds itself. But of course vegetables are not your only option… flowers, cacti and carnivorous plants are also perfectly legitimate options and one that every new gardener should invest in.

Yoga

For those of you are a little sportier, or those who would like to get started, yoga would be a great addition to your athletic resume. Whether it’s flexibility or strength you’re after yoga has it all and it can be done from the comfort of your own home. All you need is a mat and the determination to start it.

Learn an instrument

Since we are concentrating on acquiring new strings to your metaphorical bow, how about you learn an instrument?  It could be anything from a recorder to Beethoven’s 5th symphony- just find something to challenge you and I guarantee it will keep you occupied for hours. But never fear… even if you’re not that good the sound will almost definitely scare away those face mask salesmen (assuming they break through the sofa-fort).

Learn a language

With services like Dualingo at your fingertips its easier than ever to just pick up your laptop and learn a language. You can pick between any language and attempt any difficultly from English tourist abroad to a multi-cultural German. You never know where it may take you…

 Learn how to make your own alcohol

A quick Amazon order will give you all the provisions to brew and drink your own alcohol. Just pick between any type of alcohol you like (lager, cider, whiskey for all my Scottish readers) and enjoy a refreshing beverage made by you. You know you want to.

Take up art

Art is a subjective thing, and as culture crashes down around you, it may be time to develop your own love of art. Whether it’s making art or observing it the freedom is yours. All it takes is a little bit of inspiration.

Knit

With a ball of string in hand, like a cat, you will become intrigued by the magical, mesmerising motion of needle and string. You could even knit yourself an armoured jumper to go with that cushion fort of yours.

Become an alpaca herder

Maybe knitting isn’t your forte, how about you approach it from a different angle. Why don’t you supply the finest alpaca wool the world has ever seen? All you need is two and your alpaca empire will grow to dominate the collapsing markets of Asia and the West. World domination is only two alpacas away…

Make your own candles

When the power stations go the man (or women) holding the candles is going to become very popular. Why don’t you beat that and start production early? It may even be fun as well?

Start a blog

This also featured in my other article which you should definitely check out, but it is still a great option for documenting the last dark days of humanity. 

Gain an online qualification

Since school is officially out (and won’t be coming back) you’re going to need some education to stimulate your mind and invigorate your senses. So just pay a small sum of money to gain access to an online course and grow your brain.

Take some cool photos

Just grab a camera, yes an IPhone will do, and take some pretty pictures.  Who knows they may even end up in a history book one day.

Just enjoy life

If you read this far then firstly congratulations and secondly it is clear that the first 18 did not tickle your fancy. How about you take a more wholesome approach and simply enjoy the small things in life. All jokes aside it might surprise you how nice life can be when you simply sit back and relax (and try and forget the impending doom in the foreseeable future).

Remember stay safe out their people and always wash your hands. And with all the hullaballoo outside, why not calm yourself down with some more of my posts? You won’t regret it.